Broken Justice
by sparkycola1
Summary: Q has some fun by sending Chakotay and Tom instantly back to the Alpha Quadrant. They are forced to depend on each other in the face of Tom's past.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary** : Q has some fun by sending Chakotay and Tom suddenly back to the Alpha Quadrant. They are forced to depend on each other and trust each other in the face of Tom's past.

 **Rating** : R-18

 **Warnings** : Violence, including sexual violence.

 **Relationships** : The final chapter turns C/P (lightly), but it can be omitted if you don't want to go down that path, in which case it is just C/P friendship.

* * *

Chakotay sat in the transport van to Auckland Penal Colony, and thought about the vast distances travelled in the past 24 hours, both physically and metaphorically.

He and Lt Paris had been on a routine dilithium collection mission which was supposed to take around 10 hours all in, when they had suddenly found themselves in the Alpha Quadrant with nothing to explain how they had got there or why.

They had been within viewing distance of Earth.

He had scanned for wormholes, excited at the prospect that Voyager could finally get to return home... but no spatial anomalies of any kind had appeared, and before he had a chance to think of any other explanations, they had been captured by Federation patrols.

They had told them the truth, but it had sounded far-fetched even to Chakotay and Paris themselves. Three months after the disappearance of Voyager, the sudden appearance of the maquis leader and convicted felon made the Federation view them with unveiled suspicion and hostility.

Of course, the Federation couldn't prove any foul play even if they suspected it, so instead they were just being tried separately; Chakotay as a maquis leader, and Paris as an escaped convict returning to his sentence.

Chakotay's trial had been first, and he arrived first at Auckland. It had the air of a civilised, Federation prison as he entered, and he sensed his arrival was no secret, as he was accosted by several maquis who instantly whisked him away to talk to their inside maquis leader.

Their leader was known as Haig. Chakotay had worked with him before Haig had been arrested, and felt the benefit of his prior acquaintance instantly.

"Chakotay. Sorry to see you in here but welcome anyway." Haig said as he shook hands with him.

"Thank you." Chakotay replied.

"What's your cell?"

"45A."

"We all want to know what happened...we hear rumours that Tom Paris was with you when you suddenly reappeared in the Quadrant. Last I heard Paris had sold you out to the Federation."

Chakotay hesitated slightly. "It's a long story." he said. Paris may have sold him out, but now that they were part of the same crew, he couldn't afford to sell him out in return, no matter how tempting it was. But if the Federation hadn't believed the truth, no one else would either.

"He's coming here too I believe. Tell me - is he one of us?"

"Yes." Chakotay lied. "He pretended to betray us but he slipped away from Voyager to give us warning and rejoin as our pilot." Covering for the traitor left him with a nasty taste in his mouth. Paris owed him one. At least it would finally make them even after Ocampa.

"I see. This will make things a little harder." Before Chakotay could ask what he meant Haig was issuing orders.

"Blake, tell Luke that Paris is out of bounds. If he has a problem with that he comes to me about it. Understood?"

"Yes sir." Blake left to follow orders.

Haig turned back to him to explain. "Paris was extremely popular the last time he was here. The Prison Commissioner hates Paris more than any of us, he gave us free rein to do what we liked with him. And we did. Or rather...Luke and his crowd did. It wasn't my idea of fun."

Chakotay felt a chill as he realised the civilised facade had a darker edge.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You really don't want to know. Just pray you never have to live through a tenth of what they did to him last time he was here."

Chakotay felt a sinking feeling in his gut, and was relieved that he had lied. Paris's life was at stake. He may not like the pilot very much but this was not his idea of the justice system. Haig continued

"Some of the boys are a little difficult to control so I'd keep an eye on him if you are serious about him being one of us now."

He nodded. Paris had spent 8 months here before Janeway got him out. No wonder he didn't have any qualms about betraying the maquis, if he had spent 8 months as a target for their violence.

"What's that?" he asked, noticing a crowd appearing at the gate.

"Speak of the devil." Haig said glancing over them. "Come on."

They forced their way through the menacing crowd who had backed Tom Paris against a wall. He faced them with total control, his posture was relaxed, though ready, and his expression was neutral with just a hint of contemptuous mockery in the corner of his mouth.

Chakotay couldn't fault Paris's courage as he stood facing at least 50 inmates who all openly leered or glared at him. As they made their way through he heard Tom speak with no hint of fear in his voice, just dry sarcasm.

"I guess you all missed me huh?"

Chakotay only caught a few of the replies he got.

"You're the one couldn't stay away flyboy"  
"We've got three months of catching up to do with you Paris."  
"What's the matter, miss being our prison whore?"  
"We've organised a real sweet welcome home party for you boy"

The sinking feeling wasn't going away any time soon. Almost instinctively he understood that for all his faults, Paris didn't deserve what he had lived through, or what he was having to endure now. He and Haig finally broke through to where he was standing. Tom showed no emotion whatsoever to his presence, just a blank look of complete indifference. A stone wall had come down to protect him, and no embarrassment, surprise, gratitude or vulnerability of any kind was visible as Chakotay stood next to him and Haig addressed the crowd.

"These two are under Maquis protection now." He said with calm authority.

"You pick a fight with either of them, you pick a fight with me. You oughta trust me when I say... you really don't want to do that."

Haig and a couple of his followers led them out of the crowd to relative safety.

When they left the angry mutterings of the crowd behind them Haig spoke to Tom.

"Chakotay tells me you're on our side, Paris. Luckily for you I know Chakotay and I trust his word. If it weren't for him you'd be picking up where you left off and we both know you wouldn't last a week this time around." Haig turned on him suddenly and got in Tom's face. "Just remember who pulled your ass out of the fire and who can send it back there"

Tom nodded slowly and glanced at Chakotay, still with no expression showing.

"What room are you in?"

"10C" Tom answered.

Haig nodded pensively, then motioned to another goon. "Joe, tell Luke he's moving out to 45A" He turned to Chakotay "You're gonna move into 10C to help us keep your boy alive until things settle down and the crowds get used to him not being their plaything anymore."

"Thank you." Chakotay said.

"You led the charge on Gauron VI which took down 3 cardassian ships. You evacuated Jura before the Cardassians burned it up, and you were on the front lines of Hydra when the Uprising started. You're well known around here Chakotay. Your reputation is the only thing keeping Paris alive right now. Here are your quarters."

They arrived at 10C just as a man three times the size of any of them exited with a bag on his shoulder, glaring daggers at all three of them. His gaze lingered on Tom with intensity before he moved off.

"Luke, I presume."

"Watch out for him Chakotay. He's got influence here, and Admiral Paris signed the treaty that destroyed his homeworld. I'm sure Paris junior here remembers him well enough from last time."

Tom was still watching the departing figure of Luke with a blank expression and didn't respond.

"Play your cards right and things don't have to be the same this time around. Now if you'll excuse me I have business to attend to. If either of you need me, talk to Blake" Haig started to walk away but turned

"Just one more thing...it's no coincidence Paris was assigned the same cell as Luke. The Commissioner knows you're here Paris." he shrugged. "There's only so much I can do."

He left them and they made up their beds in their cell. Chakotay couldn't help glancing sideways at Tom to see how he was taking all of this.

He knew it must be torture for Tom to come back here. The nightmarish reality of Tom's previous experiences at Auckland, the untold suffering he had endured, alone, forced Chakotay to see him in a different light. If nothing else, Tom was a survivor, and his bravery and resilience were commendable. He also found himself absolving the pilot of betraying them. How could he blame anyone for trying to escape from Hell?

"When you were surrounded out there what would you have done if we hadn't shown up?"

"I was surrounded by 50 violent criminals who wanted to see me in a pool of my own blood. If there's a good way out a situation like that I could have saved myself a lot of pain in the past."

Chakotay paused, his back to Tom as he digested words spoken with the cool, frank tone Tom had adopted since he had arrived in prison. He remembered it from the early days on Voyager.

"I'm guessing your trial went about as well as mine. They gave me 10 years."

"They gave me 16 and a half years in total. 10 years plus the remainder of my first sentence."

Chakotay frowned. "But your first sentence was 5 years and you'd already served 8 months of it?"

Tom smiled humourlessly. "My sentence was extended for every 'fight' I got into in prison."

Chakotay stared at him. His sentence was longer now than it had been before he served the 8 months. The deliberate malice behind the move made him ask:

"Who is the prison commissioner and why does he hate you so much?"

Tom looked up at him quickly, obviously surprised that he knew that much.

"His name is Ven Harver. His daughter was Jeena Harver... one of the three people I killed in Caldick Prime." he said it in a monotone but the pieces all fell horrifyingly into place for Chakotay. To the prison commissioner, Paris wasn't serving a sentence for joining the maquis. He was serving a sentence as the person responsible for the death of his daughter. It was a parent's vengeance, not justice.

On Voyager he hadn't understood, but here, Tom's attitude seemed to make total sense as a protective layer. Everyone here had the same guarded self-preservation instinct to some extent. Everyone had the same tension masquerading as cool, relaxed confidence. Everyone was trying to grasp some feeling of control in an environment where anything could happen at any moment. He even felt himself adopting the same position. Play your cards close to your chest. Trust no one.

Chakotay tried to give them both some hope, unsure of which of them he was really trying to convince.

"Whatever spatial anomaly we hit, maybe Voyager will be able to use it to get back too. If that happens, Captain Janeway will vouch for us. If anyone can get us out of here it's the Captain."

"Yeah, well." Tom sighed, letting his defences down just enough to say "Thanks for the rescue Chakotay. I guess this makes us even."

"I guess it does." Chakotay answered, but in truth he was thinking of how unfairly hostile he had been in his judgements for the last three months, and considering that he had severely underestimated Tom's strength of character.

He felt a responsibility to keep Tom safe until they could figure a way out of this, or at least until Captain Janeway came to their rescue.

He sat on his bed and looked at Tom, who was sat on the bed opposite with his back against the wall at the head end. His arms were resting on his knees casually, but he looked tired...resigned. He was finally displaying a fraction of the overwhelming despair he must feel to be back.

"Tom...when you were here before... what did they do to you?"

There was a certain dead look in Tom's eyes as he answered flatly. "Anything they wanted."

Chakotay turned away so Tom wouldn't see the sympathy in his eyes. "I didn't know. I'm sorry." He thought for a moment. "Isn't there anything your father can do?"

Tom looked at him strangely, opened his mouth as though to say something but obviously thought better of it. Instead he just said "No."

Chakotay didn't push it. "Tom, Voyager might come through the anomaly next week, or she may never come through. But as far as I'm concerned we're still part of the same crew and you're my responsibility. Let's stay on the same side ok?"

Tom frowned in concern. "Chakotay you don't know what you're saying." He said in the same detached tone. "The more you associate with me the more at risk you put yourself - there's no sense in both of us being targeted. In here your best bet is to try and stay away from me as much as possible."

Chakotay shook his head. "Sorry Lieutenant but you're stuck with me."

Tom sat upright and said with what sounded like anger but Chakotay understood as a kind of panic. "I'm serious, Chakotay." Then he said coldly "I don't need or want your help, just stay the hell away from me and I'll stay the hell away from you."

Chakotay looked at him as though he were looking at a stranger. He knew that Tom's aim was to protect him, but he couldn't think why unless it was genuine fear for the Commander's safety. It didn't fit with his view of Tom...but then again, maybe it should. He remembered a time when Tom had said something similar to Harry Kim in their early days on Voyager. Had tried to push Harry away from being his friend, knowing full well that Harry would be better off distancing himself from the universally hated pilot. Harry had stood by Tom regardless, resolutely telling everyone that he picked his own friends. He decided to follow Harry's example.

"It wasn't a request." Chakotay said simply but firmly. He was as certain as Harry was then that he needed to be on Tom's side through this, but the look he saw on Tom's face was fear, and it lingered far longer than he'd come to expect from Tom's usually controlled expressions. Then he looked away.

Tom was afraid that Chakotay would get hurt by association with him. Ironically, that only made Chakotay want to stick by Tom more.

Tom sighed. "If you change your mind, at any point - I won't think any less of you."

"Tom...I can't begin to imagine what you survived last time you were here. But you're not alone this time. We'll keep our heads down and use all the maquis connections in my power if we have to - we'll find a way - but only by sticking together."


	2. Chapter 2

Keeping their heads down turned out to be easier said than done. When they walked into the dining hall for breakfast, the heckling started instantly.

"Ahh Tom Paris, Auckland's favourite fucktoy" a man blocked Tom deliberately. Chakotay suppressed a wince. He had tattoos and scars covering his arms, and two distinctive looking knife scars that only just missed his left eye. "I've missed you so much. Did you miss me?"

Tom wore his look of cold indifference which Chakotay wished he could master. He knew the contempt was showing as plain as day on his own face.

"Peters." Tom shook his head. "The past few months have not been kind to you. Just when I thought a person couldn't get any uglier."

"I hear you found yourself some temporary protection. Don't kid yourself, Tommy boy, you have enemies in high places. Next time I'm pinning you to the floor and you're screaming and begging for me to stop you're going to wish you'd been a little nicer to me."

Chakotay repressed a shiver. He knew from Tom's example that the less he expressed his feelings the better. He would think about it later. He bit down on an urge to punch the man, knowing it would make matters worse. While he was getting more and more tense, Tom just smiled mockingly at Peters.

"Or you could get yourself a better hobby. Have you considered crochet?"

He shook his head. "Always did have a mouth on you. Never learn do you?"

A large muscular man butted in. "If you think I've forgotten about the dislocated arm you gave me, Paris, you'd better think again."

Then another from out of nowhere, "You and me have got unfinished business. There's a pound of flesh you owe me and I intend to take it"

"Everything all right here?" Blake stepped into the fray with an unmistakable air of authority.

There was some tension, but Peters shrugged. "It won't take long for the commissioner to give us back our favourite toy. We can wait." Peters spoke with the cold precision of a psychopath but the look he gave Tom was one of open lust. Chakotay felt physically sick.

It went on like this all day, micro aggressions and threats, Haig's boys keeping an eye on things, just reining in a tension that was taut to breaking point. Chakotay was exhausted trying to catalogue the threats and enemies, trying to figure out the tone to take, the attitude to adopt, the motivations of the other prisoners. Tom had kept up an attitude of arrogant nonchalance throughout, no matter how vulgar the threats or graphic the descriptions of previous traumas, he looked completely at ease.

It was a relief to get back into their cell and to have the door safely locked.

He let out a breath that it felt like he'd been holding all day. He looked at Tom and found him against the wall next to the door, shaking like a leaf, head down, eyes closed.

"Are you all right?" He asked, knowing it was a stupid question. The adrenaline had worn off.

"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry. I just can't seem to stop..." Tom looked at his trembling hands in frustration and disgust. Chakotay wished that he could take this all away from him. He shouldn't have to relive this, shouldn't have to be so strong against a nightmare of this magnitude.

"Tom." he said, and put his hands on Tom's shoulders to steady and reassure him. Tom flinched and closed his eyes as though he expected to be hit.

"We'll get through this." He said gently. "Just stay with me Lieutenant."

"I know things are bad when you're being nice to me." Tom said with a half smile.

"You seem to have enough enemies in here already."

Tom looked away. "I'm sorry you had to see all of that. I don't much like the person I turn into in prison"

"Do whatever you have to to stay alive. That's an order. I can only imagine how hard this must be, but you're doing fine, Tom. You're doing fine."

Tom looked him in the eyes then, and nodded. There was something in his eyes that Chakotay had never seen before... trust. It was just a moment, just a flash of something that made Tom look so vulnerable, and in that moment Chakotay thought of the violent onslaught of threats and descriptions of things that Tom had lived through. The image of Peters pinning Tom to the floor, raping him, sent him over the edge and he had to look away and focus on breathing or he'd risk throwing up.

"Spirits Tom. How did you survive in here on your own?"

"One day at a time." Tom said, running a hand over his face.

"You were never tempted to end it all?"

"You mean ...kill myself?" Tom clarified, surprised by the frank question. He shrugged. "Of course I was. I thought about it every night."

"What stopped you?"

Tom shrugged.

"Was it the fear of disappointing your father?"

Tom looked distantly at the wall. "My mother died when I was 10. She had Tycho Fever- nothing they can do about that, it just kills off each of your internal organs one by one until you die. It's a slow, painful death."

Chakotay nodded. He knew it.

"The doctors asked if she wanted to take something to speed things up. My mom said to them 'If death wants me, he'll have to come for me himself. I'm not making it any easier on him.' ...I don't give a damn what my father thinks. But I can't stand the thought of letting her down."

Chakotay looked at him as though for the first time. He couldn't recall why he was supposed to hate the man. It was Tom's next words that reminded him.

"Of course, when the opportunity presented itself, I bailed out of here faster than you can say coward and traitor. You were my ticket out of here and I took it. You have far more right to hate me than any of them."

There was a hint of a question in the statement. Chakotay looked away, unsure why he felt so ashamed of that evaluation. He thought of Tom's defiance and resilience in the face of anyone's worst nightmare. Being stuck, for life, in a maximum security prison where everyone hated you and wanted to make every hour of every day one of pain, suffering and humiliation. Where he had been raped, beaten, things Chakotay couldn't even dare imagine or think about... but still put on a brave face and shot back insults and sarcasm. Still held on and persevered.

One thing he knew for sure was that 'coward' was not a word that could be applied to Tom by any reasonable measure.

"No. You have every right to hate the maquis for the way they treat you in here."

"It's not just maquis who treat me like that. Besides, they don't represent the maquis cause. It was _you_ I betrayed."

"What's your point?"

"Just remember it."

It took a second for Chakotay to realise that this wasn't about Tom betraying him, this was granting permission for him to betray Tom if, or when things got worse. He chose his next words carefully, making the choice to gently confront Tom with the situation head on rather than give him any semantic wiggle room.

"You were raped, beaten, tortured, dehumanised, treated like a thing to be used and abused." He paused, Tom had flinched slightly at the words and flushed with embarrassment. "You survived. You have nothing to apologise for, and nothing to be ashamed of." Tom looked up at him quickly at that, the look in his eyes was one of genuine surprise, as though checking that Chakotay was actually serious. Obviously no one had ever said it to him before.

"Get some sleep." He said, noting how exhausted they both were from the tension of the first day.

He thought, with relief, of Haig putting them in a cell together. At least when the cell door was locked on them, they were safe, the tension could relax just for a little while. Knowing that the commissioner had wanted to put Tom in with Luke made him worry about what else he might have in store for them. Tomorrow he would focus on building up relations, and protection, with Haig and his gang.

He drifted off to sleep.

* * *

He woke to muffled cries, like the sound of someone in great pain who had to remain silent for some reason. He looked over to Tom's bed and found him in the throes of a nightmare. He slowly sat up, prepared to wake Tom if it became necessary. It soon became redundant though as Tom fell onto the cell floor with a thump, waking himself up with a start. Chakotay blinked and missed the movement that sent the pilot to the corner but he stood up and found Tom facing the corner, crouched down, hands up as though protecting himself from blows.

"Tom." He said gently, giving the pilot space but approaching him slowly. "Tom wake up."

Tom turned cautiously to him, with his back to the wall, and sat with his arms wrapped around his legs. He was shaking and at first Chakotay thought he was shivering from the cold, which might also have been true, but then Tom angrily wiped away tears with frustration and helplessness

He whispered "I can't do this. Not again. Not again."

Chakotay felt his heart breaking to watch the torture the young man was being put through, a punishment completely out of all proportion with his supposed crime. This was something no one should have to face once, let alone twice.

"We'll get through this. One day at a time." He echoed Tom's words from earlier. Tom rubbed his face with his hands and said nothing for a moment. He grabbed the bedsheet and wrapped it round Tom's shoulders carefully.

"Thanks." Tom said "and-"

"Don't even think about apologising."

Tom looked speechless for a moment, then laughed slightly, breaking the tension.

"Ok, then I'll just stick with Thanks." Tom smiled, tiredly.

"Try and get some sleep."

Tom nodded. "Don't worry, you won't have to babysit me forever. I'll get back into the swing of things soon enough." he said as he climbed back into bed and closed his eyes.

Chakotay frowned...wondering what it looked like for someone to resign themselves to a life like this. He went to sleep with a picture in his head of when he and Tom had met on Voyager. The insults and anger he had hurled at the pilot, and the the cold, dead look in Tom's eyes that he got in return. He shuddered, before letting sleep overtake him.

* * *

Tom got 'back into the swing of things' with alarming speed. The next day he walked out of the cell with an energy and confidence that belied the physical and emotional exhaustion underneath. Chakotay didn't know how, as for himself, he felt surly and had a dull headache he couldn't shake off.

They stepped out of their block, taking a moment to watch the pouring rain on the concrete. Peters was standing outside the food block, staring at Tom with single-minded intensity. A couple of others were watching them. The guards watched on with unconcealed indifference.

"Ah. Another day in paradise." Tom said with mock cheerfulness as he stepped out into the rain and across to the food block, Chakotay following.

The inmates were given repetitive, mechanical tasks to do and they did these for most of the day with a break for lunch and exercise. Before dinner they were allowed free time, after dinner they had another hour and a half of free time before being locked back in their cells at 9. The manual labour was tedious, but relatively safe and predictable. Blake had taken to hanging around them, on an almost full time basis...he obviously thought the micro-aggressions could escalate at any moment.

The man who sat next to Chakotay at lunch was twice his size, all muscle, with no hair on his head except for a trimmed beard.

"If you ever get lonely chief, there's a dick with your name on it." He said casually. It was the first time Chakotay had been personally propositioned, after watching Tom brush off countless, similar, crude comments. He felt a hand moving up his thigh and for the first time realised how easy Tom made it look, but how difficult it really was to stay calm and flippantly reject the offer without causing a scene. The man groped him as though he had every right. A sense of sudden vulnerability and panic blanked his thoughts and he reacted with instinct rather than good sense.

"You better take that hand off me before you lose it." he growled out.

Before he knew where he was, the man's hand was gripped around his throat and his feet were barely touching the floor.

"Think you can do better than me huh?"

"Hey!" he heard Tom shout, and before he knew it all hell was breaking loose, a full on fist fight in the middle of the food hall.

* * *

He woke up in Medical with a pounding headache and sat up slowly. In the next bed over was Blake, who eyed him neutrally. "Hey. How's the head." he asked.

Chakotay groaned slightly.

"Yeah I figured." Blake chuckled. "You certainly know how to create a scene. Been a while since we had a whole lunch room go down like that."

He remembered the fight vaguely, but had no idea how much time had passed.

"Where's Tom?" He asked, suddenly worried. To some extent, focusing on Tom was kind of a project that kept him sane in here. It meant he didn't have to evaluate too closely just how bleak their situation really was.

"He's back in the cells. You and me are the lucky ones they want to keep overnight."

Chakotay looked at the door of medical. He didn't like the idea of Tom being out there alone where he couldn't keep an eye on him...

"Don't worry. Haig'll watch him." Blake said, reading his thoughts without looking at him. Chakotay raised an eyebrow at him.

"Believe it or not, Haig has always had a kind of respect for Paris."

"Why's that?"

"Think it dates back to a kid who came in here, Nicky Caldero. Nicky was out of his depth the moment he stepped through the door, mouthing off at the wrong people. He got into it with DK on his first day, probably would have got himself killed if Paris hadn't stepped between them."

Blake glanced sideways at Chakotay "Say what you like about Paris but he's got guts. Anyway. Paris dislocated DK's arm pretty badly. Kid starts following him around like a lost puppy, trying to learn the ropes. But on the third day this kid, Nicky, he pulls a knife on Paris in the lunch room in front of everybody and stabs him."

Chakotay frowned, not sure he was following. Blake continued: "Of course, Nicky's cred went up overnight. He got automatic respect and as soon as Paris got out of Medical, they were never seen near each other again. Haig thought..."

"That Tom engineered it deliberately." Chakotay finished for him, quietly, knowing instinctively that it was true. Blake nodded.

"Bingo. Figured he'd made a deal with the kid before hand, or more likely provoked him into it. Of course back then Haig wasn't in charge, Luke was. "

Chakotay nodded, thoughtfully. "Where's Nicky now?"

"Ah he got out, he wasn't in for anything major."

He lay back on the bio-bed gingerly to protect his head, and tried not to feel the sensation of a hand moving up his thigh, and words threatening to violate him as though he were no more than a disposable toy. The feeling was oppressive, and it weighed him down to think of the endless days ahead, given that this was only day 2.

* * *

The next day passed much the same as the first, with Tom more skilfully avoiding conflict than Chakotay had done. As they were leaving dinner, a man coming up behind them put his arm around Tom and started caressing his torso.

"Come back to mine and I'll show you what a whore like you is really good for" The man gripped him more violently. Chakotay tensed, ready for a fight.

"Why don't you go flirt with someone in your own league Victor?" Tom said lightly. "Like I don't know, a toilet brush?"

"I'll put that smart mouth of yours to better use, whore." Victor said, but Tom took his wrist and held it bent back on itself so that Victor was forced to let him go.

"Manners, Victor." he said as Victor growled in frustration and stalked off. Chakotay couldn't help being impressed by how Tom handled it, but also a little saddened to know that it was through so much experience.

When they got back to the cell, Tom didn't seem shaken, in fact he hadn't let go of the calm exterior, which somehow disturbed Chakotay more.

They had been three of the longest days of his life, and he thought how interminably long eight months of it must have felt.

"Did anything happen while I was away?" He asked.

"I told you Chakotay, I don't need babysitting. I can look after myself." Tom said, with just a slight edge to his voice

"Tom." he said, meaningfully, the hint of command in his tone. Tom looked at him defiantly but after a moment, his look wavered and he looked away with a sigh.

"I'm sorry." he said, with a dull quality that worried him. He waited expectantly for Tom to say more by way of explanation. Silence was often the most useful tool in encouraging people to talk, and it worked on this occasion too.

"Like I said, I don't much like the person I turn into in prison."

"Out there is one thing, but in here I need you to be...you." Chakotay said, hoping Tom understood that he needed it for both of their sakes. He needed an ally in here as much as Tom did. Someone he could rely on to have his back, as well as a safe space to drop all pretences and remember who they were. When they returned to normal and remembered Voyager, it made it easier to justify persevering...at least it did for Chakotay. He was afraid to lose Tom behind layers of defences that would lock him out.

Tom looked up at him slowly, and nodded. He said "yes sir" without mockery. Chakotay knew that Tom would try his best to be one person in here, and another out there, no matter how difficult that would be for someone used to doing all of this alone. The last time he was here, the only safe space he'd had was locked inside himself.

"I guess it could be worse. Since we got here I haven't seen a single leola root."

Chakotay chuckled. That link to Voyager, Tom's apparently irrepressible spirit in seeing the lighter side of things, without them he too would be forced to become a robotic endurance machine, suppressing all feeling, deadening all emotion. So long as they could stick together, he felt certain they would make it.


	3. Chapter 3

When Chakotay woke up the next day, Tom was a trembling ball curled in on himself in a tangle of sheets.

"Tom?" he said cautiously. He touched Tom's shoulder lightly and it was like he'd struck him with lightning. Tom woke up suddenly with a jerk and sat up, rapidly wiping tears away.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

Tom was flushed red with embarrassment.

"Sorry..." Tom said vaguely. "I guess I was having a nightmare..." he said redundantly. Chakotay guessed he had them every night. It was enough to drive a person insane. He looked pale and tired and Chakotay helped him to his feet to face another day in hell.

* * *

Later that day he was working next to Blake when he saw Peters on the other side of the room approach Tom and engage him in a conversation they couldn't quite hear. He tensed, and Blake was on the alert next to him. It seemed like they were just talking.

"Any idea what they might be talking about?" He asked Blake.

"Some. You won't like it."

"What?"

"I'm guessing Peters is making Paris an offer."

He saw Peters and Tom glance at him briefly in their conversation. Peters looked cocky, Tom as usual was giving nothing away.

"What kind of offer?"

"Peters saw him go to your defence the other day. So I'm guessing that about now he's offering to secure your safety in return for ...Tom's services"

They watched on, Chakotay trying to determine if Blake was right. Tom shrugged and turned away from Peters who had his hand gripped tightly around Tom's arm. He whispered something in Tom's ear and a rare flicker of anger passed across Tom's eyes in a flash. Peters let him go roughly and stalked off.

Tom looked up at them quickly and then back at his work, regaining his composure in the space of time it took to close his eyes for a second and open them again.

"Looks like he didn't take the offer" Blake observed flatly. "Though I expect it's an open one."

"He won't." Chakotay said, with dark certainty, the words 'if I have anything to do with it' firmly in the subtext.

They got back to work, welding bits of metal together.

"When he was here last time, the Commissioner ...'accidentally'... locked Paris into Pon Farr Quarantine with 5 Vulcans, for 24 hours."

Chakotay stopped welding, trying not to think about it, finding it impossible. His hand gripped the handle of the welder so tightly his hand was shaking. Blake continued.

"I guess the question is how far would Paris go to protect you from something like that."

Chakotay didn't trust himself enough to speak.

"But hey, he didn't take the offer." Blake turned back to his welding before adding quietly "For now."

Chakotay sent a prayer to any and every god or spirit available to send Kathryn Janeway through that anomaly.

* * *

"What were you and Peters talking about?" he asked, looking at the dark, mottled bruise on Tom's arm where Peters' hand had gripped it.

"The usual." Tom said neutrally. Chakotay saw that the defences had not come down yet. Tom was still in "prison mode".

"Blake suggested that Peters was making you an offer. My safety in return for your ...services."

Tom nodded. "That's right. I refused."

"Come back down to Earth Lieutenant." Chakotay said gently, hoping to snap Tom out of it like last time.

"What exactly is it that you want from me?" Tom said coolly. Chakotay frowned and bit down on an instinctive irritation at the words.

"Did Peters say something to you?"

"You've been acting like my best friend in here and I want to know what you expect in return. You don't care about me Chakotay, you don't even *like* me. So what is it? What do you want?"

Chakotay sat down. Considered how things must look from Tom's point of view. He couldn't blame him, realistically, for asking the question...and he wondered if Peters had put the idea in Tom's head that Chakotay was after something, perhaps that Chakotay wanted sexual favours from Tom in exchange for friendship. In here it was how things worked.

"I admit that on Voyager, when I thought you had betrayed us, I didn't think very highly of you."

Tom scoffed. "You never liked me Chakotay. You hated me the moment you picked me up on Kruno, hustling pool and racking up bar tabs."

Chakotay shrugged. "You weren't exactly showing your best side at the time." he admitted openly. "But my opinion of you has changed since then. On Voyager I judged you too quickly, for which I owe you an apology. You're not the person I thought you were."

Tom narrowed his eyes at Chakotay.

"I don't know who you think I am, Chakotay. In here I may be at the bottom of the pecking order but that doesn't make me a good person. I'm not."

"I don't need you to tell me what to think Lieutenant, I can make up my own mind." he said, a little shortly, wanting Tom to let his guard down and let him in.

"To answer your question... what I _want_ is for us to get through this as best we can. You watch out for me and I watch out for you. Unless... there's something you want from me?"

The reversed accusation had the desired effect. Tom looked momentarily taken aback by the suggestion, and then relaxed.

"I'm sorry." he said, sitting down, finally, on his bed opposite Chakotay.

Chakotay examined him. He knew the pilot was suffering from sleep deprivation, but also from more deep seated problems of self-esteem and trust, anxiety and post traumatic stress, among other things. All things considered, Tom had held up remarkably well to the multiple traumas he had endured, but no one could come through a nightmare of that magnitude and not have a toll taken on them.

"Do you really think you're a bad person?" He asked, now that the walls were down.

Tom looked at him. "What I think is that it doesn't matter what Ven Harver does to me, how long or how much he tries to punish me... it's not going to bring his daughter back."

"Why did you kill her?" Chakotay asked, deliberately.

"It was an accident." Tom answered, automatically.

"Pardon?" Chakotay said.

"It-" Tom stopped, aware of what Chakotay had tricked him into saying.

"Say it." Chakotay ordered.

"I told them it was her, not me" Tom said, stubbornly.

"And then you told them the truth, even though you knew you could have gotten away with it."

"Yeah. I'm a real hero." Tom said sarcastically. "I don't want to talk about it any more." he said.

"Ok." Chakotay agreed. He felt they'd already achieved plenty from the impromptu counselling. "Just tell me you'll never take Peters up on his offer."

"I won't. With Haig and Blake on our side, and having a cell to ourselves, things are going pretty smoothly in here. "

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. This was Tom's idea of things running smoothly? To Chakotay it had felt like living on a knife edge. The tension in the prison was thicker than Klingon Bloodwine and he felt stress like a taut, razor-sharp wire, becoming a constant companion in his life. A dull headache that wouldn't go away.

 _One day at a time_ he thought, clinging to the mantra Tom had taught him.

"Are you going to have a nightmare tonight?"

"Probably." Tom said with resignation.

"Is there anything I can do to help with those?" He asked.

"I don't think so."

"They are a normal response to an abnormal situation. Your mind is trying to make sense of the things you've been through. Perhaps if I show you how to meditate you might find it relaxes you and makes the nightmares less stressful?"

"I'll give it a try." Tom said with a shrug. Tom had a policy to try anything once.

"Before we start...I wish you didn't have to live through all this again, but at the same time I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad not to be doing this alone. I believe that there's good in you, as well as strength, and that I'm lucky to have you on my side."

Tom's face clouded over but Chakotay continued before he had a chance to interrupt.

"Are you going to deny that you pushed me away to try and protect me? That you did the same with Harry Kim? And Nicky Caldero?"

Tom looked down. "I just don't want any more people to get hurt because of me. No more blood on my conscience."

"You risked your life to protect Nicky. That was a selfless thing to do."

Tom didn't say anything.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Tom. You've been through more than anyone should have to but you've kept something inside you that still cares about other people. Even strangers. Even people you don't like very much, like me. Captain Janeway and Harry Kim could see that, and now I can see it too."

When Tom looked up at him he had a strangely ambivalent expression on his face that Chakotay could only describe as half wonder, half cynicism. He was obviously torn between a state of surprise with almost childlike innocence that someone would care about him, and a strong belief that he was not worth caring about.

"If only it had been Captain Janeway and Harry to make it through instead of us." Tom said wistfully.

"They still might make it through."

Chakotay showed him how to meditate and it did seem to lessen the violence of Tom's sleep. The only problem was Chakotay couldn't tell if Tom was waking up from a nightmare, or waking up into one.

* * *

Things had been fairly quiet for most of the day. A batch of new prisoners had distracted attention away from them, and they got all the way to dinner with scarcely a threat thrown at either of them. Unfortunately it seemed the peace couldn't last.

Chakotay hadn't taken a bite before he felt the sharp point of a blade held against his cheek, just hard enough for a drop of blood to appear.

Luke was standing over him with the knife, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Tom stand up slowly.

"Think you got the wrong person Luke. I'm pretty sure it's me you want."

"I'm just here to deliver a message Tommy boy. Peters wanted to know if you'd still pick Chakotay over him if Chakotay were a little less pretty."

With that he slashed Chakotay's face. Instinctively he clutched at the blood coming out of his cheek and dived out of the way as Tom launched himself at Luke and tackled him to the ground. When they were finally separated by guard intervention, Tom had deep gashes across his chest and arms, and an expression of cold fury, but it was Luke who had the knife buried in his gut, hands wrapped round the handle as blood oozed rapidly out of him.

* * *

Luke remained in intensive care, but the moment Tom and Chakotay's injuries had been patched up they were called to see the Commissioner in person. Chakotay certainly had plenty he wanted to say to the person responsible for torturing Voyager's chief helmsman for months on end...but he was worried about the effect it would have on the pilot too.

"Follow my lead. Just trust me on this." Tom said to him in a low voice.

Somehow the thin, haggard man wasn't what he was expecting, but as soon as he saw Tom, he exuded power and loathing.

"Paris. You know how little I like bad behaviour in my institution. You certainly caused enough trouble last time you were here. Why then do I find you, within a week, trying to kill another inmate with an illegal weapon?"

Tom said nothing and Harver moved to examine Chakotay, getting in his personal space.

A guard struck Tom in the stomach. Tom seemed to have been expecting it, and scarcely reacted except to put his arm protectively over his abdomen.

"Answer when the Commissioner asks you a question." he said.

The Commissioner continued, looking at Chakotay with interest. "Witnesses tell me you were protecting our new guest here, is this true, Paris?"

Tom glanced expressionlessly at Chakotay then at the Commissioner.

"Is that some kind of joke? Ever since we arrived he has done nothing but make my life a living hell. If Luke hadn't got in the way he'd be dead right now. So no, I don't regret it, and you can go ahead and throw me in solitary."

Chakotay hated to admit it but Tom really was an excellent liar. If he didn't know the truth he would certainly have believed the act.

Harver nodded at Chakotay, smiling unpleasantly.

"Oh no, I'd hate to break up this newfound friendship."

Chakotay could see that Tom's strategy had succeeded in all its aims. The Commissioner was now an ally rather than an enemy of his, which meant that he and Tom could continue to share a cell...and Tom's bluff had paid off to keep him out of solitary.

"You're dismissed." Harver said to Chakotay, who tried not to show his reluctance at leaving without Tom.

* * *

He waited impatiently for Tom to return to the cell and when he finally did, Tom was thrown into the room unceremoniously, hitting the floor with a painful sounding thud. Chakotay helped him onto his bed and could tell instantly that he had been beaten.

Tom looked in so much pain and so depressed that Chakotay lost any sense of anger he'd felt at not getting the chance to vent his fury on the commissioner.

"What happened after I left?"

"Harver gave me another two years."

"Two years?" Chakotay said angrily. He'd never been able to tolerate injustice, and this particular case made his blood boil. The helplessness he felt only made matters worse. He paced a couple of times then returned to Tom. "And then he beat you up."

"He's got guards to do that for him" Tom muttered through a tired haze of pain.

"Why aren't you in medical?"

"When it's the commissioner, it stays off the record." Tom said, wincing as he manoeuvred himself onto his side.

He sighed. "At least you managed to keep us together. That was quick thinking, Lieutenant."

There was a moment's pause where the only sound was Tom trying not to wheeze too loudly. He erupted into pain filled coughing and Chakotay helped him sit up against the bedding to make breathing a little easier.

"Thanks."

"Try and get some rest."

There was a moment of comfortable silence before Tom said out of the blue:

"Before, when you asked if my father could do anything... he's the one who picked Auckland in the first place. "

"Why?"

"He knew Harver was here and..." Tom paused to catch his breath "And he's a big believer in discipline. And punishment." A note of bitterness crept in.

"Does he have any idea how bad it really is in here?"

Tom shook his head. "I don't know."

Chakotay took a moment to let the idea sink in that a father could be so cold and cruel to their own son. He thought of his own father, and with the pang of regret that so often accompanied thoughts of Kolopak, saw that he was a total opposite of Admiral Paris.

"I took one of your father's classes at the Academy. I barely scraped through." He was trying to recall the image of the military figure, authoritarian, hard, unforgiving. He had assumed it was a persona to teach them with tough love, that underneath there were other, softer sides to the man. What if there weren't? What must it be like having a drill seargeant for a father? Discipline and punishment, Tom had said...

Tom laughed softly, trying not to move his ribs too much. "That's the equivalent of acing it." he said drily. "I had to retake the class 4 times. He wanted to prove that he wasn't showing me any favouritism."

Four times... spirits. It was a tough, endurance and survival course that tested their physical, mental and psychological endurance out in the field. It was everybody's least favourite course by a long margin. To make a cadet do it four times over was another indicator of just how far the Admiral's malice could extend.

"Sounds like he did exactly the opposite."

"I dunno." Tom said pensively, staring off into space. "I wasn't exactly the easiest kid to raise. Always trying to rebel. Constantly getting in trouble and fucking things up. Come to think of it not much has changed" He smiled slightly. "He was trying to make me into the perfect son. He wanted me to be the youngest Starfleet Admiral. I don't think this is what he had in mind when he was planning out my career."

Chakotay watched him and listened to him carefully. He didn't think Tom was lying, but there was definitely something wrong with the way the puzzle pieces fitted together. A kind of cognitive dissonance to what he was saying.

No father who really had their son's best interests at heart, not matter how gruff an exterior, would ever put them in so much danger as the Admiral had done with Tom.

Somehow Tom's attitude reminded him of his defence of Harver... accepting the punishment as deserved. Had it become instinctive in Tom to accept that if he was on the receiving end of some abuse, he must have done something to deserve it?

"How exactly did your father punish you when you were growing up?" He asked, a suspicion starting to form vaguely in his mind.

Tom hesitated, then said easily. "He read us excerpts of the Federation handbook and guidelines. I'd learned all of the directives before I was three and could recite the Federation code before when I was 5. He'd wheel me out as a party trick sometimes."

"Did he ever punish you physically?"

There was a flicker of panic in Tom's eyes that told Chakotay the answer long before Tom managed to get anything out.

"Of course not."

Chakotay cocked his head sideways at him, not accusingly but as though to say _Really? After everything we've been through? All the things you told me?_

"I mean..." Tom stumbled. "I'm not supposed to..." Tom stopped again to catch his breath.

Chakotay couldn't keep the look of astonishment off his face. That after everything, Tom could still be so afraid of his father that he couldn't even talk about him...just seemed incredible. It was the most damning piece of evidence against the Admiral that Chakotay could possibly think of.

"It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said, worried that he was adding stress when Tom was injured.

Tom fell silent, frowning, obviously trying to reconcile conflicting emotions in his mind. After a little while, Chakotay questioned out loud, softly:

"I was just wondering if it's possible that you were taught to think that any time someone hurts you, you must have done something to deserve it"

"I wasn't the kind of son he wanted."

"And that gave him a right to hurt you?" Chakotay couldn't keep the hint of anger from his tone but regretted it when Tom flinched slightly in response.

"I don't know!" Tom said desperately. "I don't know." he repeated, quietly, shattered after the day's events. Chakotay felt like a bully, ashamed suddenly that he was interrogating the pilot under these circumstances. He took a deep breath and said calmly but surely:

"I'm sorry. But no one has a right to hurt you. Least of all your father. A father's job is to protect and nurture their children, to make them feel safe. Your father abused you, Tom. And I can tell you now that you didn't deserve it. No matter what he told you. You didn't deserve it."

He looked up at Tom with worry in his eyes. "Do you understand?"

Tom didn't reply, too focused on controlling his emotions.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to... but I will always listen, and you can trust me. It might help to talk about it. Right now though I think you should try to rest."

"I'm not feeling strong enough to sleep." Tom muttered. Chakotay understood what he meant, having witnessed the nightmares. Seeing him so physically and emotionally drained and not able to sleep because his dreams were just another battlefield, it felt like a particularly cruel twist. At the same time he recognised that not long ago, only a week ago in fact, Tom would not have been so openly vulnerable and honest in front of him. Nor would he have felt this protective of Tom.

"Do you want to try meditation again?"

Tom nodded, and Chakotay guided him through another session of meditation.

At one point, Tom's breathing hitched and Chakotay was worried another coughing fit would come, so he supported Tom from behind and found himself lying comfortably with him.

"Are you ok?"

"Mm hmm." Tom said tiredly. Chakotay said nothing and they both drifted off.

Perhaps it was just sheer exhaustion, but as far as Chakotay could tell, Tom slept deeply without dreaming for once.


	4. Chapter 4

They looked around at the peaches, pinks, yellows and blues that slowly pulsated around them. It felt like they were standing on and surrounded by a cloud.

"Is this a dream?" Tom asked Chakotay, who shook his head. "I don't think so."

Then Q appeared in front of them.

"Prisoner 3669957 and 6900114. "

"It was you." Chakotay stated, wonder and anger just on the edge of his tone.

"Now now- you both strive on a daily basis to return to the Alpha Quadrant. I kindly deliver you both straight there and this is the thanks I get?"

"Why us and not the rest of Voyager?" Tom asked, quickly intervening before Chakotay vented his anger.

"Isn't it obvious? I mean look how much more interesting you two made things. Two federation felons returning unexpectedly. Your home quadrant being more hostile than the Delta quadrant. Two enemies, betrayer and betrayed, having to rely on each other all while Captain Janeway tries to figure out what happened to you..."

"So what is it you want from us now?" Chakotay asked, coldly.

Q sighed dramatically with the air of a disappointed child. "The Captain has demanded your return. She figured out that it must have been me, and you know how bossy she gets...the only thing remaining is to give you a choice. A choice of whether or not you would like to _remember_."

Chakotay answered with only a second's hesitation. "Yes. I want to remember."

"Me too." Tom followed quickly.

"Ok. Then there shall be no more ado."

And with that they were disconcertingly, and instantly, transported to the Captain's Ready Room in front of a worried looking Captain Janeway.

* * *

Her relief at seeing them was palpable. She had them all beamed to sickbay immediately, just to be on the safe side, but Q had already removed any trace that they were ever there, even putting them back into their regular uniforms.

"What happened?" she asked, when the Doctor had given them the all clear and left the room.

"Q sent us to the Alpha Quadrant." Chakotay answered, looking at her cautiously and noting the flicker of anger in her eyes. He knew exactly what she was thinking right then, that Q had the power to send them ALL to the Alpha Quadrant, and didn't from sheer caprice.

"Unfortunately, the federation found our presence a little difficult to understand. We told them the truth but they didn't believe us. So we spent the week in Auckland prison." Chakotay ended, keeping it deliberately vague and light.

He thought she would respond differently, with some complacency or relief that they had spent the week in a Federation colony... but he should have known her better. She had been the one to get Tom out of there after all.

At the worry that appeared in her eyes, the way she looked at Tom with fear and compassion...Chakotay realised, she already knew. She knew what kind of place Auckland was for Tom. That's why she had extracted him in the first place instead of merely asking for the information and leaving him there.

"And the prison commissioner is still... Ven Harver?" She asked, quietly.

Tom looked at her with an expression that a week ago, Chakotay would have had no idea how to interpret - but now understood. Tom hadn't known that the Captain suspected anything about Auckland - but she'd read the file and put two and two together. She had figured out that Ven Harver being in charge was at best, a horrible conflict of interest, and at worst, a serious danger to Tom's welfare. Embarrassment, mixed with gratitude and esteem found his way through the flicker of surprise.

Although she was looking at Tom, Chakotay still felt that she was talking to him, so he answered for both of them.

"Yes."

She looked at him then and the silent communication that they often shared sent a bond of understanding between them. She didn't know the details, but her some of her fears had been confirmed in that look, and her jaw was tense as she nodded.

Tom looked away from her as though he had somehow let her down, but she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know what happened down there...but I want you to know we all worked as hard as we could to get you back. And I can't tell you how relieved I am to have you both back in one piece. Take as much leave as you require."

"That's not necessary Captain - I just want to get back to the Helm." Tom said quickly.

"It's your decision. Just know that when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I promise you I'll do everything in my power to prevent you going back to that place."

"Thank you." Tom said quietly.

"Welcome home." she said, putting a hand on each of their arms with warmth and reassurance.

* * *

It only took a week for Chakotay to figure out that Tom was avoiding him. It would have taken longer if Chakotay weren't actively seeking him out and being rebuffed at every opportunity.

But on a ship the size of Voyager, no one could hide forever...particularly from their boss.

"Commander, here are the reports you asked for. Was there anything else?"

"Yes. I want to know why you're avoiding me?"

Tom frowned. "I'm not avoiding you Commander, you requested to see me and here I am."

"Tom, sit down, please." He gestured over to the lounge area of his quarters and Tom reluctantly took a seat.

"I'd like to think that over the course of the week in Auckland, we got to know each other a little better. That we built up a certain amount of trust. Perhaps even...friendship. Did I imagine that?"

Tom didn't answer. Chakotay worried that Tom was drawing a parallel between this conversation and the interrogation made by the prison commissioner. Tom certainly looked like he expected to be punched in the gut at any moment.

"I was hoping we could continue that friendship on Voyager."

"Of course. I'm sorry if you feel like I've been ignoring you Chakotay, you know how busy the first week back always is."

Chakotay kept his face neutral as he bit down on the hurt and frustration he felt. Tom was just trying to survive. It was the deliberate shutdown of all critical analysis, all introspection, all emotion that protected Tom from the horrors he had been through. In prison, introspection was enough to kill a person. One day at a time meant not thinking of the past, not thinking of the future, and making survival the only goal that mattered.

"I don't think that's it." Chakotay said calmly, but with certainty. "I think you're avoiding me, because I remind you of Auckland. You associate me with prison and you try very hard not to think about any of those experiences."

Tom looked defensive and incredulous almost instinctively but Chakotay refused to let him interrupt.

"That's a very natural response Tom, but not necessarily a very healthy one. Avoidance is not a long term strategy for dealing with the things you've experienced. Besides which, you can't avoid a commanding officer you work closely with on a ship we're both on for the next few decades."

Tom looked defiant which didn't surprise Chakotay, and in fact rather pleased him. He was glad to see the spark of fight and vitality in Tom that apparently couldn't be extinguished.

"Commander, I appreciate your concern but really, I'm fine."

Chakotay nodded. "I know." he lied. "And you can call me Chakotay, Tom, I'm talking to you as a friend right now. All I'm saying is ...sometimes we have to deal with experiences that are so traumatic that we think it's better to try not to think about them at all. We worry that if we face the experience head on, it will be overwhelming and we won't be able to deal with it. But there are ways of dealing with those experiences that mean we can go on living our lives without those events interfering." He watched Tom closely. "Without them appearing at unexpected moments in flashbacks and nightmares." Tom flushed slightly and looked away, and Chakotay knew his guess was right. "I just want you to know that my door is always open. If you ever feel ready to try and deal with the things you've been through, you're welcome any time day or night."

Tom nodded, and Chakotay realised that all the violence and anger and pain and humiliation in the world couldn't have got through Tom's defences... but a small amount of kindness could break through like a hot knife through butter.

"Thanks. I'll think about it" He said. He stood up to go.

Chakotay smiled at him. "That's all I ask. See you tomorrow."

Tom nodded and left.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: After this point, it becomes C/P (purely in taking their friendship a step further, not in a graphic or sexual way) - so if you're not interested in that - stop here and treat Chapter 4 as the end.

* * *

It became a regular thing, to talk for half an hour or so after Tom handed in his weekly report. Sometimes it was nothing major, but over time the sessions tended to get longer and touch on areas that required all of Tom's courage and all of Chakotay's counselling experience to discuss. The more they talked, the closer they became, and Chakotay was invited in on social gatherings that previously would have just been Tom, Harry and B'Elanna.

It took all of two months for the Voyager gossip mill to get going, rumours flying about that Tom and Chakotay were in a relationship.

That's when the trouble started.

Harry was the one who told him about it - the glares, muted threats, passive aggressive behaviour that Tom got from the maquis when Chakotay wasn't around to see it. The way Tom shrugged it off, ignored it.

It was these observations of Harry's that were in Chakotay's mind now, as Tom was late for one of their sessions. Chakotay asked the Computer to locate him, and found that he was, apparently, in a small alcove on their deck just a couple of corridors away. He went to investigate.

He heard them long before he saw them.

"Stay away from Chakotay, Paris. Traitor scum like you could never be good enough for a maquis"

"How many times do I have to tell you that there's nothing going on between us? What is it you have trouble understanding?" Tom answered, mockingly.

"Everyone on the ship knows that he's fucking you, Paris, you prison whore."

"Chakotay could have anyone he wanted." Tom shot back angrily, "What makes you think he'd ever want someone like _me_? For the last time. We are not in a relationship and we're not sleeping together"

That's when Chakotay rounded the corner to find two maquis holding tightly onto Tom while two others crowded him into the corner. Tom looked tense, on edge in a way that was unusual - he normally feigned calm in situations like this.

"Hey." he shouted, surprising himself with the depth of his own anger. He took the ringleader and roughly shoved him against a wall.

"I'm going to give you a choice you don't deserve, Healy. Either you apologise to Lieutenant Paris and hope he's in a forgiving mood, or you can explain your actions to Lieutenant Tuvok on the other side of the brig. Your choice."

He knew Healy well enough to know how it would go. Healy squared himself, trying to regain some dignity and took a step to where Tom stood.

"Lieutenant Paris, I'd like to apologise for my behaviour." Healy sighed, looked down at the floor. "The truth is, Becky broke off our engagement this morning and I haven't been quite myself all day. That's no excuse, but I hope you'll forgive me."

"Apology accepted." Tom said. "And I'm sorry about Becky." He added sincerely.

"It won't happen again." Healy said, touched by Tom's understanding.

"I know it won't." Chakotay bit out as he glared at Healy with unambiguous meaning.

He should have been pleased with the outcome, it had been resolved peacefully after all...but for some reason that he couldn't put his finger on, Tom's magnanimity made him even angrier.

"Go." he ordered the maquis crewmembers to leave them and they scarpered rapidly. He rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

"Come with me." Chakotay ordered and Tom did so. Tom was disturbed by the fury radiating off Chakotay, it put him on edge, though he didn't let it show.

The walk to Chakotay's quarters was silent, and tense. Tom became increasingly certain that he was in some sort of trouble.

As soon as the door closed, Tom stood still, by the door, watchful, a little puzzled, but calm.

"Why didn't you come to me about incidents like that one?"

"That was the first time." Tom answered.

"What about all the microaggressions leading up to it? Why didn't you tell me?"

Tom remained silent for a moment, trying to work out what was going on.

"What are you really mad about Chakotay?" he asked. It was unusual for it to be this way around - with Tom being the calm one, and Chakotay full of pent up emotion.

"I'm mad about you getting hurt on my watch." Chakotay said, without much thought. He stopped pacing, and Tom ventured further into the room. It was the injustice of it all that Chakotay couldn't stand. He had never been able to sit still and do nothing in the face of injustice.

"You're not my babysitter you know."

"I am your Commanding Officer, it's my job to make sure incidents like that one don't happen." He sighed. "I don't want Voyager to become like Auckland. You deserve better than that"

Tom looked touched, but pointed out: "Voyager is nothing like Auckland."

"Tom. You deserve to have somewhere, just once in your life, where you can feel safe."

For a brief moment, Chakotay's anger almost melted in the face of the naive wonder on Tom's face in that moment. He just couldn't understand why anyone would give a damn about his safety.

But Chakotay's anger resurfaced quickly as he revisited the incident in his mind. "And what exactly did you mean by "someone like you"?"

Tom looked confused by the sudden shift in topic.

"You said I'd never fall for someone like you... what's that supposed to mean?"

For just one second the answer, in raw, painful honesty was written in Tom's eyes - the next second it was gone. But it was too late, Chakotay had seen it.

"It's just what came out in the heat of the moment." Tom shrugged.

Chakotay caught sight of his own reflection in the windows and stopped short. He was flushed with anger, scowling and tense. He took a deep breath as he tried to work out why exactly he was so angry.

He was certainly angry at the undeserved verbal attack, after everything Tom had been through, it just wasn't fair. But Tom was fine, and the situation had been resolved.

Then he understood. He _had_ fallen for 'someone like' Tom. Someone very like Tom, in fact. That meant no one was allowed to make derogatory comments about the pilot, not even Tom himself. Maybe especially not Tom himself.

He'd never met anyone quite like Tom, and he felt in equal parts protective and proud. He wanted Tom to be safe and happy, but he was also proud of his capability and irrepressible courage. Tom was someone he wanted on his side, and he wanted to be on his side, always.

But that look, that second of pain in his eyes that spoke volumes, said that under all the charm and confidence of his natural, social flair, Tom still thought he was something people used, not someone people could love or want as part of their life.

Chakotay sat down, and so did Tom. His anger had dissipated into sadness.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, drawing on his counselling experience to make sense of all this rather than battling through high emotions.

"You know why." Tom said, not looking at him.

"No I don't. You're going to have to explain it to me."

"You know better than anyone how fucked up things are with me. Why would you want someone who can't get through a week without waking up screaming? Someone who was Auckland's favourite fucktoy, someone who betrayed you, someone -"

"Tom, stop." It hurt him too much to let Tom go on. "Do you really believe you're not worth being loved?"

Tom looked at his hands and said quietly, in a matter of fact way: "Not by you."

If he had been looking at Chakotay he would have seen the storm of emotions that battered him. Sadness came first, pure compassion for Tom. But it was swiftly followed by joy...the flicker of hope that said - Tom cared for him too. Then guilt for being happy, then doubt, then fear for them both.

But after everything else had cleared, there was only one remaining: certainty.

"You're Voyager's Chief Helmsman, Tom, and the best pilot I've ever known. You're smart, funny, kind, passionate, resourceful - don't interrupt me - this is important. You're the bravest, and most resilient person I know. I trust you completely - and I think you trust me too. So I will be honest with you now and say that if you say the word, I would happily make it my life's work to prove to you that you are worth being loved.

I know you've had a lot of bad experiences in the past - if you don't feel ready I understand completely. It's your choice, and I will support whatever decision you choose. But either way, if I could have anyone on Voyager, I'd choose you. If I could have anyone in the universe, I'd still choose you."

Tom looked so stunned that Chakotay was worried he'd forgotten how to breathe.

"Me?" he clarified.

Chakotay smiled in amusement. "You." he said.

"Is this another one of Q's games?" Tom asked suspiciously.

"Is it really so hard to believe that I would have feelings for you?"

"Yes. It is." Tom stood up and started pacing himself. Chakotay stood up in response.

"It's crazy, I mean, you're everything I'm not. You're a man of honour and I ...I _betrayed_ you. You're Mr. Calm and I always feel like I'm barely holding onto my sanity - you're always in control of everything and I've never been in control of _anything_ and I just-"

Chakotay took his arm gently and kissed him.

"I'm sorry." Chakotay said, realising that he had just kissed him without checking that he had his full consent first. For someone with Tom's history, that wasn't ok.

There was a tense moment when he couldn't tell if he'd just ruined everything before it had even begun. But after a couple of seconds, Tom smiled.

"Don't be..." He said and returned the favour.


End file.
